Montaigne: Of Friendship
My problem with Montaigne's view on friendship is that I cannot distinguish what he calls "friendship" from what most people would call narcissism. He excludes any possibility of friendship between siblings, parents and children, or between men and women. Thus, by Montaigne's definition, friendship only exists between men (presumably, heterosexual, because erotic desire between men is not explored in this essay), and even then it is a rare achievement. It is rare because Montaigne believes friendship is essentially a meeting of two rational minds on the same spiritual plain (
"one soul inhabiting two bodies"), not to be confused with love or casual acquaintances. Thus, discovering friendship is like discovering yourself inhabiting a different body. Feelings or passion are not only unnecessary, but actually get in the way. Apparently, Montaigne's idea of friendship is reduced to the act of conversing with one's self (a rational discourse, as opposed to mere hallucinogenic or sociopathic babble). Even though he mentions a moral obligation to "correct" one's friend if he strays from the path of right reason, this concedes nothing more than a normal operation of conscience, or our own faculty of judgment which restrains the human tendency to wander off the path of righteousness. Since friendship, to endure, requires two people's thoughts to converge into one epiphany of mutual esteem, there would seem to be few occasions when one friend would be restrained by another's gentle rebuke. In point of fact, they would seem to inhabit a secure world of their own, with little need or desire for the opinions of others. Ultimately, I believe, this mode of friendship is indistinguishable from self-love. Montaigne and his dear friend Boetie formed a little society of their own, whose only notable result was to leave Montaigne forever gasping in despair over the loss of his beloved doppelganger. I can't help thinking that Montaigne probably would have been happier if he had just come out of the closet and married Boetie. Then, perhaps, he could have written a useful discourse on gay marriage, an institution that he apparently found unworthy of his literary gift.
- comments by SMJ -